Working With Anger And Boundaries In An Accessible Way
Let’s keep it simple, if you don’t have boundaries, you become angry. Anger is not good for any of us. It hurts our minds, bodies, and souls. The most common things I’ve seen as a coach and a trauma practitioner over the last decade are people being manipulated and bullied, by family, friends, and in the work place. They don’t know what to do about it. Then they come to me angry and upset.
Regardless of what the relationships are, “I have a choice whether or not I will be bullied or manipulated. I don’t have to be. There is something I can do because nothing is worth sacrificing my health for.”
2. Is this person making me better or worse? If worse, again, nothing is worth sacrificing my health.
3. What to do about this? We need help when it comes to removing manipulation and bullying. Bullying starts in childhood and if not taken care of early on continues into adulthood. Teaching children these tools and showing them by example will change their lives and help make the world a better place. The tools we all need are being able to form boundaries. A boundary is a way of saying, “This is not ok for me and I am removing myself from the situation.” It is important to do this regardless of what the other person may say or do. The manipulator or bully will not want you to remove yourself because if they don’t have you to harass they will have to find someone else or look at themselves. They don’t want to do that. They will do what they can to keep you caring about what they say and feeling bad. Do not care about what they think or feel.
4. Here are some tools to practice in the moment of being bullied or manipulated. Check out how your body feels. If it is feeling unpleasant and bad something is wrong. You can tell the person “This doesn’t feel right and I’d be willing to talk about it but not like this.” If this makes them angrier and treat you worse, then you have your answer even more clearly that you cannot talk to this person. You cannot reason with an abuser.
Keep in mind manipulation can be hard to see. That is why you want to get help and trust your bodily sensations, your gut response. You have the same neurons in your head as in your gut.
As you continue to remove yourself from the awful energy that comes at you from being manipulated, things can get worse. That’s a good sign because it confirms you need to take care of yourself. Get away from that situation no matter what the relationship is. Start with having a lot of space from these people and more self love. You are the most important person to take care of. This will boost your self confidence.
You will be rewarded for loving yourself. If you think,” I cannot leave or get away”… because it’s a job, a family member, or a marriage, think again! There is better love and support out in the world and all around you. It cannot come in until you make the changes to get space and get out.
I have two books that cover these topics with helpful tools.
Can you please talk to trauma?
A true story on how to overcome trauma, confusion, stress and heartbreak, and find your greatness.
Can you please talk to my girlfriend?
Learnings and inspiration about the journey of self-love.