The day I decided to turn my life around and found help and support that was waiting for me, was the day i came across Karlee Holden.
I was going through a very tough time in my life or should i say surviving another day in my life of crippling anxiety. Showing up to the world with a constant smile while my insides were constantly in turmoil. All i can describe my pain body was like a grand pri racing track with sharp edges, stabbing at me, closing in on me, racing around my body my foggy brain, stomach in knots constantly waking up with anxiety and thoughts rushing around my head. I wanted to claw my insides out it was so bad. There was No escape apart from now and then i would catch some silence as i sat with my dog in our garden and the birds would distract me and i was allowed to take a breathe. It was always short lived and i was at the point of i cant do this anymore. I need help but all the councelling and talking wasnt helping it was putting a bandaid on for a few weeks then it would all start up again.
I was physically and mentally exhausted, it was affecting my marriage my children my life was in kaos. I wanted to hide away or worse i started having really dark thoughts. My children and husband mean the world to me and deep down i knew there had to be something out there to help me so i could help my family too.
I awoke my normal 3 am anixiety morning not sleeping mind racing when i decided to distract myself on fb. I came across a post with a lady and a stroller on it which said something like heal your trauma! i thought what is this? so i checked it out and saw Karlee Holden’s book Can You please talk to my trauma? I went to the internet and looked up the book and Karlee. I thought this is about me, this lady is talking about my anxiety/ trauma. I was intrigued but also scared as im not a fan of social media and a bit scared to reach out on fb. But something made me click that button. Now i was really scared what have I done, omg all these negative thoughts were racing around my head.
I called a girlfriend of mine who has known me for 30 odd yrs and knows of my anxiety. I asked her to check out Karlee and what i had clicked on. Rachel immediatly checked it out and was very excited, she too is interested in trauma and the body as we both attended college together as massage and complementary therapists. I know you may think then i should know how to cope with stress, but actually the reason i attended all my couses on complementary therapys was to understand myself and see if it would help my anxiety that was back in 1996 and it did help for a long time in small doses. My anxiety was still there simmering. My real issuses were addressing my trauma which i was totally unaware of having. As i got older my anxiety, trauma if you want the voices in my head were getting louder, i couldnt take anymore. So when Karlee gave me that first call i was nervous skeptical unsure as i didnt know this lady, she was calling me!! Her voice was like a soft angel, i could feel my body calming down, my heart rate was slowing up. I started opening up to Karlee like i had known her all my life. i felt safe for the first time in a long time to share my trauma as Karlee explained it to me
Why am i ok chatting to this lady who i have never met before? Karlee understood what i was going through as she has been through it all herself as reading her book you understand.
The feelings of people thinking im crazy were disappearing. i was normal i just didn’t understand what my inside was trying to tell me.
I had been stuck in fight or flight for most of my life surviving, fighting to be released from the torture of my body.
I felt a calm come over me, it stayed with me and i learned to understand emotions, triggers and how to be in the moment and enjoy my life again or really for the first time since being an innocent child playing outside in the world with no fear or of being scared.
I completed Karlee’s program within a few months. It dosen’t stop there. We are learning everyday and with the guidance and support of Karlee’s ongoing classes and the group i feel free. Im listening to my triggers and implementing boundaries. Our body’s and minds are amazing we just have to tap into it and understand the workings and the root of our pain patterns. We are born free from anxiety so we are capable of living this way too. I am grateful for everyday when i open my eyes not at 3 am but 7am knowing i’ve slept well, my body is calm my mind is calm. I love it.
I am so truly grateful to Karlee for being there for me that day when i was at my lowest, im truly grateful for her knowledge and guidance and she has guided me through some tough days. Im truly gratefull to the support of the group knowing im not alone and there is always someone there who understands. Thank you for enlightening me and giving me the tools to be the strong person i am today. Love always Sandra Barratt